All that I'm Living For
by MadelynPai
Summary: AU/Alt history for Zendall
1. Emoticon Overload

**AN I own nothing. This is AU and alternate some history. I hate following history. Inevitably I get things wrong and some reviewer calls me out on it. I mean really is it that important? If we all loved every TPTB plotline we wouldn't write fanfiction anyway. Let it GO people… This is my first real attempt at a Zendall. It starts shortly after Ryans death and the surrogacy insanity but it is AU/Anti-history of the real AMC.**

**You'll notice my love of only a few characters: Zendall (they're really one person anyway we can all admit that), Bianca, Miranda, and Myrtle. I liked Maggie somewhat but they didn't use her much after she got with Bianca…**

**Emoticon Overload**

Zach had been baffled by his wife for some time now. Kendall was everything he never expected and this idea with Greenlee was more than a little out of orbit. It was inconceivable.

Ryan was a selfish bastard and Greenlee wasn't much better[ although she did have some moments were the little monster was more human. His Kendall was so loyal though that she couldn't imagine disappointing anyone she loved. That was the problem, Zach knew.

Every time that Kendall really got crushed was when she was doing something loyal for the ones who claimed their love for her. His wife's big heart was what had gotten them married in the first place, and it was all for a loyalty to another person. Bianca, Miranda, and Myrtle were the only people that would be worthy of Kendall's loyalty in Zach's personal opinion. He excluded himself, because as a Cambias he was naturally a liability for Kendall and given his business relationship with her, he would never wish her feelings to deepen and for him to hurt her.

It was the one thing he was truly afraid of. That he would inadvertently be another person that hurt his Kendall. He couldn't live with that and he refused to watch others do the same. Kendall thought he didn't know about her offer to be a surrogate. Casinos were places filled with cameras for the owners' eye for a reason.

Short of locking her down in a prison ward, it was going to get interesting to keep Kendall from doing the surrogacy. With Kendall's luck, Ryan would waltz back into Pine Valley tired of playing dead and somehow those sanctimonious twits would blame Kendall. The saddest part being that her mother and step-father would take Ryan and Greenlee's side because they wouldn't know true loyalty if it bit them in the ass.

Zach knew he needed to out Ryan, it was the only way to protect Kendall. After the accident he had put private investigators into searching since there was no body. It didn't take long to find out that Ryan had run away.

The man not only was such a coward he beat his wife and joined a fight club. He also ran away anytime the going got tough and pretty much always had. Kendall always talked about how he saved her and Erica was always in agreement. Zach never understood how none of them noticed that he only arrived after the most horrible things had happened and the entire emergency pick up was done.

Ryan didn't actively save anyone but Ryan. Eddie had been giving Zach a hard time recently about Kendall. His own assistant had even gone so far as to tell him that he was in love with his wife. When he had scoffed at the idea, his attorney and assistant had shared a look of exasperation. Zach admired his wife, he liked spending time with her, she was very beautiful…none of this meant he was in love with her. You just got use to people…it didn't matter that he missed her when they had to be apart. It didn't mean anything, he kept telling himself stubbornly.


	2. A Grand Perspective

**A Grand Perspective**

Myrtle had seen the difference over the last few months. Her Kendall and that gruff husband of hers were much happier in general. They were both young, but it was obvious that they were in love with each other. My how Kendall and Zach would both scoff at that description Myrtle knew.

Kendall had given up on love and Zach had never believed in love due to his childhood. When they had first gotten married Myrtle had been so worried. Worried for Kendall a bit more than Zach. Kendall's heart was scarred hard from the bruises Erica, Ryan and others had given her. But underneath all the scars was a heart as soft as butter. Once Kendall fell in love or felt any loyalty to you, she would protect you to her own demise.

Myrtle had watched it for years, even before she had begun liking Kendall. She had admired Kendall's bravery. Her devotion in helping JR when he was young and that Erica couldn't scare the young woman away despite the pain she had caused was impressive.

Myrtle had really bonded with Kendall seeing her with Bianca. Kendall had gained her own place within Myrtles heart as the older woman watched her help Bianca prepare for Miranda and go religiously to every Lamaze class with her. Even with Erica screaming both girls down, it was Kendall who had stood up to her mother. Even though, Myrtle knew it had hurt Kendall terribly to feel that she was disappointing Erica further. For the disappointment seemed constant. Erica never showed affection or love to her eldest daughter. It had taken Myrtle a long time to admit that out loud. The past was the past. Although it was horrible, Kendall didn't deserve the behavior that she received a lot of the time from either Erica or Jackson.

She deserved their respect at least, if not their love for how well she took care of others and her loyalty to their families as a whole. Kendall had worked hard to get close to Lily and she got along famously with Reggie. She was closer to both of them by far then Greenlee would ever be.


	3. Everyone Minds the Ringmaster

**AN: Not Mine**

**Everyone Minds the Ringmaster in a Big Top**

Myrtle had been considering what to do about the situation between Zach and Kendall for some time. The only conclusion she could reach that would work without parallel would destroy Kendall and Erica's relationship completely.

Her conscious and guilt over the situation had always held her back, but with Ryan gone and Greenlee looking into fertility options it would only be a matter of time before Kendall either sacrificed herself to Greenlee or Greenlee applied guilt to try to force Kendall into helping her.

And quite frankly Kendall didn't need the heart break that would occur. Myrtle decided to intervene with a well placed lie. Unfortunately she chooses to do it at the same time that Zach executed his own plan of attack. After all, in the circus there is only one ringmaster for a reason…

Zach had information leak to Aidan from an investigator-friend-of-a-friend that clearly showed Ryan spending time with his sister and psycho brother Jonathan. Aidan had panicked upon receiving the information and contacted Jack, Kendall, and Greenlee. He called all of them to his office.

"Aidan, why did you call us in?" Greenlee asked upset; she had to reschedule an appointment with the fertility clinic to meet with him.

"As I told you over the phone this involves Ryan." Aidan began.

Jack cut-in. "Ryan is gone and what ever he did in his life that we don't know about should stay that way."

"Don't say that!' Greenlee cried out getting ready to throw a tantrum. "Ryan is a good person; he just was having problems because of how he was raised. He didn't mean to hurt anyone. He destroyed himself to escape what he was becoming." Kendall held Greenlee's hand as she grew more upset.

"Well apparently he didn't worry so much about that, because he's alive Greenlee." Aidan stated firmly and handed Jack photos of Ryan. The photos were date stamped to show that he was alive beyond the date of his 'death'.

"He wouldn't do this! Not to me!" Greenlee screamed going into full melt down.

"Greenlee, it's going to be okay." Kendall tried to reassure her. "With or without Ryan you still have a family that is here for you and Fusion is going full speed ahead. I can't believe he did this to any of us, but if he feels he has to be away from us then maybe he is just trying to protect you."

"You don't know anything! You can't understand about love, for god sakes you got married as a business arrangement! Ryan needs me now more than ever. I am going to go to him and we'll work this out just like we always do."

"Greenlee, don't do this to yourself! You don't need him." Jack tried desperately to reason with his daughter.

"None of you will ever understand him like I do." Greenlee cried as she stormed out. "Aren't you going to stop her?" Jack demanded of Kendall. "How can you claim yourself apart of Greenlee's family and just let her destroy herself, Kendall. You'll never belong to this family." He parted the room.

"And I for one am glad I don't understand you people's family dynamics…"Aidan said sarcastically.

"AIDAN!" Kendall scolded him. He shrugged. Kendall knew there was no point in admonishing him. Just like there was no point trying to stop Greenlee. Once Greens decided something only she undecided it.

"Seriously, Kendall let me know when you're done trying to make things work with them. Bianca, Lily, and Reggie – definitely your family members. Especially Myrtle loves you. But the rest of that jar of crazy isn't worth it. I didn't fall in love with you all those years ago and stay friends just because your loyalty – you're smarter than this Sheila." Aidan told her gently.

"Thanks for trying to look out for me, Aidan. But really I can handle this myself."

"That must be why you look so exhausted." He said in parting as he hugged her goodbye at the door.

Kendall called Zach as she began entering the parking garage…

Meanwhile across town, Myrtle had met Erica and Opal for lunch. Now normally Myrtle wouldn't lie particularly not to her oldest friend in the world or Mona's daughter. She had already prayed Mona would help guide her through this deuce of a lie. Poor man wouldn't know what hit him, but Slater thought fast on his feet and she knew that he knew Kendall and Greenlee were headed for a collision course regarding Kendall's loyalty.

Myrtle had arranged to meet at the casino's ocean side lounge for lunch under the pretense of trying her luck. As she entered the lounge almost twenty minutes late, Erica looked at her with frustration. _She had probably ruined Erica's entrance, oh well – I'll make her exit alright, she thought._

"Oh Erica! I am so happy for you." Myrtle gushed. Both Opal and Erica looked at each other in confusion. "Oh stop it! We can tell Opal. I was so happy when Kendall told me this morning. A brand new grand baby is such a miracle!"

"What?" Erica asked faintly in complete shock. "Absolutely NOT. I refuse to believe that Kendall is…NO!"

"Mam, is everything alright?" the bartender and a security guard came over to see what was wrong.

"Where is Zach Slater? I insist on seeing him right this minute!" Erica cried out hysterically.

"Ladies?" Zach asked in confusion, although he was already thinking out damage control methods assuming that Erica had heard that Ryan was alive.

"YOU, …you MONSTER!" Erica screamed at him. "That you have the audacity to marry Kendall is bad enough but to try to force her to have your child! I will not allow her to go through with this pregnancy. This is not what my baby wants; you're not what she wants."

The absolute confusion that penetrated his mask for a moment froze when he saw the guilt in Myrtle's eyes. Kendall walked into the lounge. "Mother what is going on! I can hear you from over half the casino away." Kendall whispered fiercely at her.

"You can't do this Kendall, oh my god you can't." Erica moaned in desperation. "He is a Slater."

"Really, I have been married to him for almost a year, IF we HAVE to argue about this again can we at least do it in private – MY GOD." Kendall hissed at her in utter frustration.

Zach felt the sudden urge to laugh hysterically over the confusion. Kendall thought she was coming to crash her mother's lunch and give her the news about Ryan. Not fend off Myrtle's fib that they were pregnant.

Opal just watched the drama with absolute shock, it was better than daytime reality shows. Her bridge club was going to LOVE this recant.

"I think we should wait and talk about this tonight. Kendall, your upset, your mother is upset. We should hold off take a break and meet tonight at the condo with her and Jack." Erica went to intervene. "Erica, the stress of the last few weeks is enough; I don't want to see Kendall fall ill from anything we say to each other rashly." Zach said firmly. Kendall turned back to look at him with confusion.

"I agree honey." Opal said, "With Ryan dying and everything, that's a lot to take in. Kendall's lost a few pounds too many over the last few weeks. I think it would be prudent to hold off for a few hours and then discuss it for both the welfare of her and you."

"There is NOTHING to discuss. Kendall I want you to come over tonight. I will have all the arrangements ready for us to go to Switzerland. When this nightmare is over we'll stay and have a spa week." Erica stated with absolute upset.

"What?" asked Kendall completely confused? "We'll be there at six Erica." Zach said as Erica stormed out.

Kendall looked at them absolutely bewildered. "Oh Honey! I am so Happy for you two. You and me will do lunch next week, but all this excitement and I am late for my bridge club. It's my turn to host you know and don't worry a fig about Erica – she'll come around." Opal jabbered hugging Kendall in the process and making her leave.

"A word, Ms. Fargate?" Zach asked politely with complete amusement.

"Oh dear, ….it was never my intention to cause that." Myrtle began to apologize.

Zach cut in. "You did jump us by a few days, Kendall still is in some shock of course but I can't figure out how you knew." Zach told her.

Kendall was beyond confused at this point. "Zach?" "Your right, we shouldn't keep Ms. Fargate. Not only that I think your about ready to rest – the last week has been pretty hard on you." He said in concern.

Myrtle was shocked. _Kendall IS pregnant?…another one of her girls was pregnant. Myrtle thought happily._" Absolutely, honey you need your rest. We can catch up tomorrow morning. I will personally handle your mother if necessary, but we won't think anything of it unless we have to." Myrtle said hugging Kendall to her and then kissing Zach's cheek. "And you, here I was thinking I had to tell a little fib but this is such a blessing!" Myrtle floated out to the main casino floor on cloud nine.

Kendall looked at the table and then at Zach, "What the HELL just happened?"

Zach laughter exploded.


	4. The House Always Wins, No Exceptions

Chapter 4: **The House Always Wins – No Exceptions**

Zach had talked Kendall upstairs into his suite. She dropped onto his couch, "Okay, what was that?" Kendall asked.

"Did you know that we're pregnant?" Zach asked her point blank.

Kendall cocked her head and said, "NO, no we're not."

"Well according to your mother…""Then you disabuse her of that belief, so that I don't have homicidal tendencies while you sleep." Kendall threatened bristling where she sat.

"I don't think so sweetheart." Zach responded calmly. "Actually, I believe about three weeks ago you had the discussion with Greenlee about being a surrogate."

"Ryan's alive! I don't need to be a surrogate." Kendall responded getting in his face.

"And Greenlee is just going to accept that is she. I don't think so. Especially when Ryan doesn't fall in line with Greenlee's And Baby Makes Three Plan." Zach stated firmly. "We agreed, no more lies Kendall."

"I didn't lie! I just didn't mention it because I knew you would try not to let me help Greenlee. She is my family and last I checked this is my body, so if I chose to be a surrogate, I don't need your permission - Dad." She snarled at him.

"Unfortunately, you do need my permission. And now Greenlee won't touch you with a ten foot pole, which works wonders in my opinion."

"Oh really, and what happens Zen Master when I don't keep hitting all those pregnancy milestones. Have you thought that one through?"

Zach was infuriated with Kendall not only for the omission of information for the last three weeks, but also the plan in general to surrogate. The irritation was warring with his amusement however. His wife's mind was a steel trap and nothing got past her for the most part. Unless you really threw her off.

Zach never completed the thought or really planned what happened next. Kendall was in his arms and he was kissing her possessively. Everything inside of him settled in a way that not even his pretend facades allowed. All there was, was Kendall.

Kendall had stiffened when Zach grabbed a hold of her and dragged her the rest of the way to him. But when his lips settled over hers, she felt her body relax fully. She wasn't even sure how she was standing.

"Hallelujah," Olivia muttered from the doorway before she closed the door. _Finally! I am so calling Bianca, she is going to be excited._

Across town Myrtle was already on the phone with Bianca.

"Kendall and Zach are WHAT?" Bianca cried through the line. "That's it I am coming to Pine Valley. Between Mom alone, and then Kendall-there is NO way I am missing this."

Myrtle laughed. "I knew you would be happy honey."

"I am ecstatic and Maggie will be as well. This is amazing!" Binks said excitetantly. "I can't wait to be an auntie, and Kendall will be such a great mom. And Zach, oh my god. That poor man, he is so in love with Miranda – he is going to be insane between being in love with Kendall and their new baby. I am literally booking a flight right now Myrtle! You don't mind if we stay with you do you? I am sure Kendall is on full freak out mode and Zach feels like a looney-bin director between my mother, Jack and her."

Myrtle laughed. She only caught about a quarter of the commentary from Bianca due to how fast she was talking.

"Of course you can stay with me. We both know you'll end up staying with Kendall and possibly Zach before it's over. Now that those two are married and expecting, hopefully they actually live together."

"Oh don't worry I have a plan." Binks threatened.

(((

A.N: Hehe – a Binks Plan this should be good.


	5. Counting Down

Chapter 5: **Counting Down**

Jack had a horrible day. Greenlee was running after Ryan regardless of the fact that he had harmed her and then ran like a coward. Upon coming home, Erica was in a full melt down since Kendall was pregnant with Cambias demon child.

The day was just getting worse and worse. Reggie's response of enthusiasm hadn't helped in calming Erica down at all.

Bianca had called him and asked how bad the fall out was, letting him know that she was in route to fly into Pine Valley.

Jack was a bit confused. Erica kept talking about arrangements in Switzerland. He had no idea what his wife was referring to.

He had finally sunk into a chair in the living room to wait out Erica's tantrum. She walked demurely into the room at 5:45 after packing. "Oh Jack, everything will be fine now. The hospital in Switzerland had an opening for Kendall and we can stay at the Spa for a few days and pause in the Dominican Republic for the divorce on our way back."

"I wasn't aware she wanted a divorce Erica?" Jack said in confusion.

"That horrible monster got her pregnant Jack. Kendall never wanted children and she certainly doesn't want to be married to him. She originally married him for Bianca and Miranda. Now that Ethan has become more level headed, she can get a divorce from Zach and everything will be better after the abortion."

"Abortion! Erica, are you out of your mind? Zach isn't going to sit idly by while you convince Kendall to get an abortion. Not only that the baby would be your grandbaby. No different than Mimo herself. Think about this a little more. Between Greenlee and Kendall we have enough going without living in denial." Jack warned his wife.

"What could possibly be wrong with Greenlee, she seems to be getting over her grief since Ryan died?" Erica asked in frustration that Jack wasn't onboard with her plan.

"Erica, Ryan is alive. He ran off after he left the fight club and is with his sister Erin and brother Jonathon. Greenlee took off to go convince him that they still belong together. Nothing I said dissuaded her and Kendall didn't even attempt to stop her. What ever Kendall did with Zach she chose to do. You don't have a baby by not having sex Erica."

"NO. I refuse to believe that she would allow that. We're better now. She knows that being with HIM would be the end of our relationship. To marry him for Bianca and Miranda is bad enough. But I refuse to overlook her choosing him, Jack!"

"WOW that is so nice to know." Kendall said from the doorway. Her eyes flashed a deep green. She had ignored Zach for the last hour after he had thrown her off guard by kissing her senseless and then he had the audacity to point out that she had kissed him back.

"Kendall," Zach began. "Shut it!" Kendall said firmly, "I am not having this discussion with you right now. Mother, I will choose whoever I want to be married to. I have no intention of going anywhere with you, and quite honestly I am SO TIRED of the ultimatums that you seem to feel are appropriate that I don't have a relationship with you to begin with. The only reason I even put up with you is for Bianca so that she doesn't have to continually choose between us. I don't want to speak with you further about this ever again. Anything that happens in my life is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! And if you don't want to enjoy any grandchildren that I may provide you that is your choice. We are done here." Kendall said firmly as she turned and strode past Zach. Only he seen the tremble in his wife.

He got on the elevator with her. He gripped her, "No" she said hoarsely and pushed at him, but he ignored her as he pulled her close to him and kissed her softly on the cheek snuggling her close to him as she began to cry.


	6. DesperateTimesCallforDesperate Measures

**Chapter 6 – Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures**

Zach was livid. That Erica would provide such an ultimatum to Kendall after everything. This was exactly the thing he had been trying to avoid. He had forced Kendall to go with him back to the casino's suite. He finally got her to sleep and Eddie had given him a death glare until she found out it was Kendall's mother and not him that had upset her so.

Lord forbid if he ever had this lie come out…Eddie would help Kendall dispose of the body, regardless of this not being his intended outcome.

His wife wasn't a crier. In fact he could count on two fingers, times that she had cried. Once was when Mimo said her name for the first time over the phone and the other time was when he got shot and she thought he had died during the whole Dragon episode.

Bianca would be being updated already by Eddie, he knew. Thank god his sister-in-law was getting on a flight to come to Pine Valley. His wife was a classic denial land inhabitor. Kendall would rather pretend nothing was wrong than acknowledge how upset she was over something. The only people who broke through that exterior were Mimo and Bianca.

Zach placed a call to pull funding from the promoter for Erica's show and sold the stock he had in Enchantment. He owned a chunk and had gotten it as leverage just in case when he had first came to Pine Valley. He also barred her and Jack from either of his casinos and Cambias Industries.

He had spoken to Simone about Kendall taking some vacation time and working remotely for a while. Simone had already heard from a very upset Myrtle and told him that would not be a problem.

His wife would murder him in the morning when she found out he had arranged her life for her. But at least she wouldn't be crying. He would much rather have a pissed off Kendall than a heart broken one…

He laid down beside her and smoothed a curl from her cheek. Kendall instinctively snuggled against him. He enjoyed having her against him, it was the reason he always convinced her to dance at big affairs. Her smell was the best part about her. Zach drifted to sleep holding her.


	7. Sister Ambitions

**Chapter 7 – Sister Ambitions**

Bianca flew in at 4 am in the morning. Her and Mimo had just arrived at the Casino. Mimo was fast asleep and had been most of the flight. Binks hadn't bothered to even stop off at Myrtles, Kendall would need her first thing. Her unhappiness with her mother had hit whole new levels that Bianca didn't even know was possible and she had called her Uncle Bobby from the airplane to fill him in.

Eddie met her in the lobby. "How bad was it?" Bianca asked.

"Horrible, if you didn't love your mother so much I would figure out a way to off that bitch and dispose of the body." Eddie said in frusturation. "I have never seen Kendall cry except in the hospital when she thought Zach died, but this was worse if that is even possible. I spoke to a prenatal specialist from Harborview Hospital in NYC who is the top of his field and gave him a rough estimate of her pregnancy. He said it is really important that she takes time off work and works through some of her stronger emotions. Being upset while pregnant can lead to severe issues as the pregnancy proceeds, even immature labor and miscarriage."

"I should have known you would have contacted a specialist." Bianca said with a slight smile as they got on the elevator. "And I am close to changing my mind on my own mother, which is pathetic. If it comes down to it, I'll let you know. Where is she?"

"Zach talked her back to the suite, and got her to go to sleep. I am not sure who she is seeing for prenatal otherwise I would of made them do a home call." Eddie said in irritation. "And of course he doesn't want to upset her further and refuses to allow a physician to be called."

"I think it is probably a good call for now, that would just upset Kendall more at the moment. I will make him convince her to go in a couple days." Bianca assured Eddie as they exited the elevator and opened the suite's door. There were two bedrooms in the suite. Usually Kendall used the secondary bedroom, but Bianca knew that Zach wouldn't leave her alone right now. She and Eddie said their good byes and parted ways to compare notes later in the day.

Bianca pushed the master door open a crack and heard the soft deep breaths of her sister and Zach. They were so screwed, she thought happy and sad at the same time. Sad for her sister's break with their mother and glad that Zach was finally going to take command of her sister's love life. This ridiculous – we're not really married stuff needed to stop.

Bianca put Mimo to sleep in the spare room and then texted Eddie requesting coffee and promising her eternal devotion if that were possible.

"Binks?" Kendall said in surprise when she went to sneak out around 5:30 AM.

"I got a few calls and figured it would be better to come here first." Bianca said firmly getting up from the sofa to hug her older sister.

"It's not a big deal…" "Excuse me, you cried kiddo. Eddie told me." Bianca cut her off. Giving her sister a level stare. " I know you Kendall and it is a huge deal. I got calls from Zach, Eddie, and Jack, but you didn't call me at all. It isn't always sunshine for either one of us. I expect a phone call from you during the tough times too. And especially when Myrtle calls and tells me you're pregnant."

"I am not…gah!" Kendall said in frusturation. Making Binks have to grin. Her older sister got irritated quickly when someone called her on reality.

Zach stepped out of the spare room holding Mimo. Bink's little girl was rubbing her eyes and said softly "Unk'Ach"

"Ah! She remembers you!" Binks said with a laugh. Zach looked at Mimo in such surprise. Mimo had never said his name before. It was a new first for Mimo. "I'll take her, I am sure she is hungry and the two of you need to have a discussion if what Simone texted me is true. Preferably one where little ears are a safe distance away." She said with a grin.

Kendall looked at her in confusion as she gave Zach a kiss on the cheek and took Mimo from him.

When Binks was out the door, Kendall turned to him and said, "What was that about?"

"You're on hiatus from work for a couple weeks." Zach told her firmly.

"NO, I am not." Kendall said angrily. "Last I checked you don't make decisions for me Zach."

He gripped her arms and pulled her close. She struggled against him. "You're on hiatus and you will work from home for two weeks."

"No I am not." "Kendall – I am not asking you." Her husband said as his cold face descended, she usually wasn't privy to it anymore. He saw the further upset and pulled her against him. "Do you really want your mother and Jack to drop in off and on for the next two weeks upsetting you daily about the argument you had."

"Nothing is wrong." "Stop it." He said giving her a little shake. "Stop it, do you hear me?" He asked firmly. She trembled hard and he held her close to him tucking her against his collar bone. "You're on hiatus. It has been a rough month and a half and it's time for a break." He whispered as he kissed her softly and gently – coaxing her into responding to him.


End file.
